So I’ve been a member here for nearly 13 years now and I have enjoyed it immensely. I’ve met some great people, gotten some really cool opportunities, had some great laughs, and learned quite a few things. In all that time I have never been banned, not even once, until this year where I have received not one but two bans. The second time, seemingly the most unwarranted, left me a little more upset than I would like to mention. So much so that I took it upon myself to email certain moderators to question the legitimacy of the ban, even worse, that I did this on my weekend time, time that could have been better spent with family. Sadly, that fact didn’t dawn on me until the early morning hours of this past Sunday. I have to admit I was a little ashamed of myself and thought it would be best to take some time to reflect on that.
Today I was stopped at a traffic light when I noticed a flock of black birds passing over head. The wave of bird after bird undulating overhead was mesmerizing and I begin to contemplate that every dot in the sky was a bird and each bird had a life and God knew about that bird. Then I looked down at the street and every car passing by or stopped beside me and the thought that every car had a person in it and that every person was either destined to hell or to heaven and all of that became so burdensome to me. And I remembered that I can’t save any of those people, only God can do that, but I can do my level best to love them, that’s what I’m charged to do.
And then I thought back to this place and how I’ve been acting, I haven’t been very Christ-like as of late. I’ve been brash and argumentative. And that’s not to say that godly men can’t pick and tease and debate one another, I’m not saying that. What I have been has been more that. I’ve been vindictive and condescending. I’ve wanted to be right and I’ve wanted to rub peoples faces in it. It’s been shameful and I need to apologize to anyone and everyone (Fish, Tater, Ducktape) who has had to read it or receive it. That’s not the person I want to be, because that’s not who my Savior is. Again, I am very sorry and I hope my actions did not reflect poorly on the God who I profess.
In light of this, I’m taking a step back from the forums. I’m not saying I won’t get on from time to time, I do enjoy conversing with you all. But I believe God is doing some serious work in my life right now and it would be a far better use of my time to work on my relationship with him. I hope you all have a great rest of your duck season and I’ll catch you around.
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