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Thread: Things Your Father Should Have Taught You

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    Default Things Your Father Should Have Taught You

    Things Your Father Should Have Taught You

    Many challenges that arise in life have simple, if not obvious, solutions. You should be familiar with them — without the help of Google.

    How to Disagree

    I didn't have to teach my son how to disagree with me; my wife taught him that, as excellent wives do, each and every day, by her own example. The world outside, where crossing guards, teachers, and bosses await, is much trickier. On one hand, you don't want a kid who goes along to get along; on the other, you don't want to raise a complete dickweed.

    I have come to believe that the key phrase here — never heard within our home's walls — is "You may be right." The concept itself holds true whether you mean it or not, and it truly doesn't matter if the "you" is your school's principal or your village's idiot; you've paid lip service to authority while subtly asserting its contingency, and you can decide to end the exchange right there or move on to some form of "But here's what I think."

    There will be times when this approach won't work. If a policeman pulls his weapon, for example, and orders you to drop yours, debate would be unwise. The same holds true if someone you trust suggests a blowjob. But those are things the kid'll have to figure out for himself.

    How to Fix a Leaky Faucet



    1. Under the sink, you should see two metal knobs on the wall. They control the water line. Turn them off.

    2. Back above the sink, look for a cap on the hot- and cold-water handles. Pop it off with a utility knife or screwdriver to expose a screw.

    3. Remove that screw to remove the handle.

    4. If you're lucky, all you'll need to do is tighten the packing nut — the hexagonal nut beneath the handle.

    5. If that doesn't work, remove the packing nut. In a newer sink, you'll find a one-piece cartridge. Take it to the hardware store, get a replacement, and install it. You're done. In an older sink, under the nut is a stem with an O-ring and a seat washer, held in place by a screw. Changing the O-ring will usually stop a leak in the handle. (Make sure you get the right size.) Drips from the faucet, however, are often caused by corroded seat washers. Whichever you need, coat the replacement in plumber's grease before you install it. If you don't have a new washer handy and the unused side of the old washer is smooth, sometimes you can just flip it over.

    6. If the dripping continues, run your finger inside where the stem rests in the base of the handle. If you feel rough patches, you can try using an abrasive pad to smooth them down. Or just replace the part. Tell the guy at the hardware store you need a new valve seat. He'll know.

    7. Reassemble everything and enjoy your sink.

    How to Tell the Difference Between a Red-Tailed Hawk and a Turkey Buzzard



    Because mistaking a scavenger for a graceful hunter just makes you look silly. To some people.

    Profile: Both have broad wings and a rounded tail, but the vulture's wings will appear more boxy and rectangular. Also, when seen head-on, a hawk's wings will make a straight line; a vulture's wings will be tilted up in a distinctive shallow V shape. Flight pattern: Both birds rarely flap their wings, preferring to soar in wide circles. A vulture, however, will appear to wobble back and forth in flight.

    How to Remove a Stripped Screw



    First, try a wide rubber band. Lay one side of it flat on the damaged screw head, then press against it with your screwdriver. Often that will get you enough purchase to remove the screw.

    If that doesn't work and you can't get hold of the screw head with pliers, find a small torx screwdriver. (It's the one that looks like a star and comes with most screwdriver sets.) With a drill bit slightly smaller than the torx, drill about 1/2 inch into the screw. Pound the torx in with a hammer. Unscrew. Celebrate.

    Warnings to Heed When Attempting to Fix Your Car



    If you have to move something — a coolant jug or air-filter box — to get at the backside of a headlight or whatever it is you're trying to fix, close the hood and drive to a mechanic. Those things often have electronic sensors, and incorrectly reinstalling them can lead to more problems.

    Never touch the glass of a halogen headlight bulb. The oils in your skin can cause the bulb to burn out.

    When changing your oil, be sure the rubber gasket on the old filter doesn't remain on the engine. That would ruin the seal of the new oil filter and damage your engine.

    Don't let anyone tell you you can't replace your own air filter.

    How to Call It Off



    The ideal location is her home. There's no check to be paid, no coat to get from coat check. She can make a scene. Let her throw you out if she wants.If she does throw you out, say, "I'm sorry" and calmly leave.

    Be vague about your reasons, so as not to give the impression that there's one thing she can fix and everything will be okay. (Example: "It's a lot of things, things I've brought up in the past, but really it's just that I'm not focused on you like I should be, and that's not fair to you.") But not so vague that she has no idea why you're breaking up with her. Then you just come off as a dick.

    You might feel tempted to say, "I really hope we can stay friends." Resist.

    Bring a photo of the two of you. Show it to her. Tell her you're going to keep it, as a reminder of the fun you had. No reason not to end on a high note.

    Do all of this at a time when you have nowhere else to be. Like, don't go over to break up with her if you want to be back in twenty minutes to see tip-off. She'll hear it in your voice. Try not to have sex.

    How to Know When It's Over



    If six or more of the following scenarios sound familiar, it's time to move on.

    She's stopped talking about places she'd like to go on vacation.

    She's long stopped suggesting you two take a sushi-making class together.

    She takes more than a few hours to respond to your e-mails.

    Her response to most of your texts is "k."

    She doesn't throw any of your laundry in with hers.

    She doesn't ask you what you want from the store.

    She doesn't ask you where you've been, where you are, where you're going, or what time you're coming back.

    She stopped liking your Instagram photos. Even the cat ones.

    She doesn't want a turkey burger even though you're making them anyway and it's really no problem.

    She watched Game of Thrones without you.

    She started waxing again (and still isn't having sex with you).

    How to Tune a Bike



    A checklist before your first ride of the season

    • Check for dry, cracked patches on the tires and break pads. Replace if found.

    • Fill your tires. The recommended pressure is usually inscribed on the side of the tire.

    • Lube the chain. Flip your bike upside down and, as you pedal backward with your hand, drip a chain lube like Tri-Flow on the inside of every link. Shift through all gears, then remove excess lube by holding a rag lightly around the chain as you pedal. Repeat.

    • Check your brakes. Pull on the brake levers. Hard. They should stop halfway to the grip, and then you should be able to squeeze them just a little bit more. If they go all the way to the grip, turn the barrel adjuster (it looks like a nut at the start of the brake cable) counterclockwise. Move the smaller locking nut tight against the brake lever.

    • True the wheels. Spin each wheel, looking to see if there are any slight bends. When you find a bend, tighten or loosen the spokes near it: If the rim bends left, tighten the spoke that goes into the right side and loosen the one that goes into the left. Squeeze both spokes to even out the tension.

    How to Sharpen Your Own Knives



    NB: If the knife you want to sharpen has a serrated blade, stop reading this and take it to a professional.

    Otherwise:

    1. Go to the hardware store and buy a two-sided sharpening stone. It'll run you ten to twenty bucks.

    2. Mark the edge of the dull blade with a felt-tip marker. That way, if the line isn't disappearing, you'll know you're not holding the knife at a consistent angle — or making any real progress. Wet the coarser side of the stone with water or oil.

    3. With one hand on the knife handle and two or three fingers of the other hand resting on the blade for support, hold the blade 20 degrees off the stone (flat is zero degrees). Starting with the tip, slowly push the knife across the stone.

    4. Repeat until the marker line is gone and you see a burr — a slight overhang extending from the sharpened side. Switch sides and repeat. After a new burr is formed, flip the stone to the finer side and make a few additional strokes at a slightly higher angle to hone it away.

    The Basics of Gambling



    Know the vocabulary.

    Spread: The number of points a team is favored or not favored by, indicated by a minus sign (next to the favored team) or a plus sign (by the underdog).

    Cover: To win by more than the spread.

    Take the points: To bet that the underdog will lose by less than the spread.

    Chalk: The favorite. (To "go chalk" is to bet the favorite.)

    Over/under: Predicted total number of points in a game. "Over" means you think the teams will score more than predicted. "Under" means less.

    Always take the under in championship games. Most people take the over, betting more on what they want to see than on what they think will happen. Sports books know that and raise the totals a little higher than they should be.

    It's never a bad idea to take the ugly underdog. Betting on a team no one likes means you're essentially playing with the sports book — especially in marquee games with a lot of bettors. Sports books make money for a reason.

    How to Estimate Height



    1. Pick a tree. Maybe that one over there. Convince yourself you want to know how tall it is.

    2. From the base of the tree, walk eleven steps. Mark that point by placing a tall stick in the ground.

    3. Take one more step. Mark that point on the ground. Lie down and put your eye as close to it as you can. Look toward the top of the tree.

    4. Pay attention to the point at which your gaze intersects with the stick. The height of that point from the ground in inches is the height of the tree in feet.

    5. Figure out what you can do with this knowledge.

    How to Open a Door with a Credit Card



    1. Call a locksmith. This doesn't really work anymore.


    How to Dock a Boat



    Before you do anything, you need to understand how a boat moves. (It's best to practice in open water, where no one can see you — and where you're less likely to hit something.) You can make the boat turn in two different ways. In forward gear, turn the wheel the direction you want the bow (front) to go. In reverse, turn the wheel the direction you want the stern (rear) to go.

    Now that you're confident, approach the dock at a 15 degree angle (wider if the wind or current is moving away from the dock, depending on how strong it is). As the bow is about to touch the dock, turn the wheel hard toward the dock and put the engine in reverse. This will pull the bow out — keeping it from hitting — and suck the stern into the dock. Tie up the stern, short and tight, then shift into neutral. Straighten the wheel and shift into forward very briefly. This will bring the bow closer to the dock. Tie off the bow and shift into neutral. Get out of your boat.
    The Elites don't fear the tall nails, government possesses both the will and the means to crush those folks. What the Elites do fear (or should fear) are the quiet men and women, with low profiles, hard hearts, long memories, and detailed target folders for action as they choose.

    "I here repeat, & would willingly proclaim, my unmitigated hatred to Yankee rule—to all political, social and business connections with Yankees, & to the perfidious, malignant, & vile Yankee race."

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    "try not to have sex" LMFAO...

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