After trying each and every folk remedy made available to him, a young University of South Carolina student just had to go see a physician to cure his condition.

This young man sought out the best doctor Richland County had to offer, and he made his situation clear.

"Doc, I am a second year Junior at USC, and I have a real problem on my..umm..hand. You see, I can't stop jerkin' off."

The old doctor had heard this before, and were it not for his bedside manner, the young man probably would not have been able to handle the pressure and embarassment of what he had just divulged.

"Son, I've seen this before, and I don't want to downplay the seriousness of what we're dealing with. There is no way to cure this problem, and it's really nothing to be ashamed of. It is what it is, Percentages are percentages, science is science, What we have here is a problem we can control, however."

The young Gamecock let out a small sigh of relief upon hearing this.

The doctor went on, "You need to paint your dick orange. While it wont completely stop you, you'll only beat it once every four or five years."