How To Install a Poor-man's Security System:
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  1. Go to a second-hand store, buy a pair of men's used work boots -- a really big pair.</font>
  2. Put them outside your front door on top of a copy of Guns and Ammo magazine.</font>
  3. Put a dog dish beside it. A really big dog dish.</font>
  4. Leave a note on your front door that says something like:
    "Bubba, Big Mike and I have gone to get more beer and ammo - back in a half hour.
    PS: DO NOT disturb the pit bulls; they've just been de-wormed."
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