Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 20 of 47

Thread: For those of you with aging parents

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jan 2002
    Location
    In my own little world
    Posts
    20,978

    Default For those of you with aging parents

    About a year and a half ago I had to put my mother and stepfather into an assisted living facitily. I was quite taken back by all the choices and different situations for elder care. So much so I didn't know which way to turn. Luckily a friend works at one and gave me a guys number that specializes helping families find residential elder care. What a Godsend that was!!! His fee is paid for by the referred facility with no out of pocket cost to us. The help he provided then was immeasurable.

    Recently my stepfather passed away and the situation has changed some with my moms memory. I called him today and he spent 30 minutes with me educating myself on what to do and how to navigate the situation. WOW, is all I can say. What a HUGE friggin help.

    If any of you are in that situation or will soon be, let me know and I will give you his contact information. I will not make one penny off of referring him to you. You can choose to use him or not, no skin off my back. I'm only putting this out there because I know from personal experience how daunting the process can be and would be happy to help anyone in that situaion.
    RIP Kelsey "Bigdawg" Cromer
    12-26-98 12-1-13

    If love could have saved you, you would have lived forever.

    Missing you my great friend.


  2. #2
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Posts
    28,018

    Default

    Will keep this in mind buddy, thanks.
    Both my parents are now deceased but have in-laws that
    may need something like this in the near future.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Location
    Cola.
    Posts
    4,671

    Default

    Great information to share!

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jun 2021
    Location
    Kershaw South Carolina
    Posts
    1,917

    Default

    Best thing my wife did was saw a lawyer who specialized in Elder Law
    Last edited by Huntinjunkie; 01-19-2023 at 07:23 PM.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    SC
    Posts
    4,397

    Default

    I'll let my kids know about this.
    "My resume is the trail of destruction behind me. " Bucky Katt

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Posts
    15,351

    Default

    Been there. It's an interesting choice and not all facilities are the same. I suggest touring as many as possible
    Amendment II A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.

    Quote Originally Posted by Highstrung View Post
    I like fishing topwater. Will one of you jot down some of this redneck ghetto slang and the definitions for those of us who weren't born with a plastic spoon in our mouths?

  7. #7
    Join Date
    May 2002
    Location
    The Wild, Wild West
    Posts
    3,490

    Default

    Sorry for your loss Lab, and sorry you are having to go through this. It's coming sooner than later for me, and I appreciate you posting this.
    “I can’t wait ‘till I’m grown” is the stupidest @!#* I ever said!

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jan 2002
    Location
    In my own little world
    Posts
    20,978

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Chuck the Duck Slayer View Post
    Been there. It's an interesting choice and not all facilities are the same. I suggest touring as many as possible
    You can do that, but you really don’t have to. This guy has been at every facility in the state and knows them all very very well. Let him sort them out for you and then you go look at a couple.
    RIP Kelsey "Bigdawg" Cromer
    12-26-98 12-1-13

    If love could have saved you, you would have lived forever.

    Missing you my great friend.


  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Location
    Anderson, SC
    Posts
    8,402

    Default

    Thanks , lost Mom at 93 last Feb and we were to that point. She was living w Sis and BIL but was wearing my Sister down

    MIL is aging and not well, will pass this on into wife and her sister.

    These are tough situations

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Jan 2002
    Location
    In my own little world
    Posts
    20,978

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by WhitewaterDuck View Post
    Sorry for your loss Lab, and sorry you are having to go through this. It's coming sooner than later for me, and I appreciate you posting this.
    Thanks buddy but it’s just a part of life. Luckily both of them Went into a facility willingly. Not everybody is that a fortunate with their parents
    RIP Kelsey "Bigdawg" Cromer
    12-26-98 12-1-13

    If love could have saved you, you would have lived forever.

    Missing you my great friend.


  11. #11
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Location
    God's Country
    Posts
    1,788

    Default

    Just got home from my visit at the Nursing home with my 80 year old Father in-law who hates being there and wants to come home. He is driving us nuts calling us everyday and wanting to come home. Bed bound and has been since February of last year. Unfortunately his finances won’t allow him to be home and pay for care out of pocket. He is 100% Air Force related disabled. The VA will pay minimal amounts of his care at home but they will pay for his entire stay at the facility with Tricare picking their pet up as well. Damndest thing I’ve ever had to deal with. We want him home too but no way we can afford $11k a month out of pocket to provide him 24/7 care. It all sucks for anyone that has to deal with this type stuff.
    Last edited by SCHUNTINFANATIC; 01-19-2023 at 07:38 PM.

  12. #12
    Join Date
    Jan 2002
    Location
    In my own little world
    Posts
    20,978

    Default

    Damn, hate to hear that. And yes it does suck.
    RIP Kelsey "Bigdawg" Cromer
    12-26-98 12-1-13

    If love could have saved you, you would have lived forever.

    Missing you my great friend.


  13. #13
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Location
    FROG LEVEL
    Posts
    23,785

    Default

    Thanks for the info as my ass is getting old BUT--went through it with the wife and her mother an still kicking and wish we would have known this info a year ago. Again Thanks.
    Gettin old is for pussies! AND MY NEW TRUE people say like Capt. Tom >>>>>>>>>/
    "Wow, often imitated but never duplicated. No one can do it like the master. My hat is off to you DRDUCK!"

  14. #14
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    Spartanburg
    Posts
    49,646

    Default

    Good info Paul.

    Mom is here at the house with us and doing well. Dad is in assisted living in Auburn but it’s and independent type. He comes and goes as he pleases. They provide two meals a day, he has a panic button/fall alert deal, they come in and clean once a week and he can have his dogs.

    It’s not perfect but he just couldn’t live alone anymore. He doesn’t love it but is content there. Says he “hates being around all those old people.” And this joker is 82. Lol.

  15. #15
    Join Date
    Dec 2002
    Location
    upstate, sc
    Posts
    3,286

    Default

    Fanatic I’m surprised you can get 24/7 care for 11k per month. Many nursing homes are approaching that figure. It’s a bitch fellas. If you haven’t planned for it for yourself, consider it now. Otherwise your kids will be saying what you’re saying in 20-30ish years.
    \"We say grace and we say maam, if you ain\'t into that, we don\'t give a damn.\" HW Jr.

  16. #16
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Location
    Charleston
    Posts
    2,397

    Default

    Just got done with same deal. $6500/mo out of pocket for a little over a year in a memory care facility for my father in law. We used someone similar as described above that was familiar with the care facilities. Reviewed our options and to some degree negotiated a rate based on FIL needs. A patient or resident advocate or whatever the term is was helpful. Sad situation to be in and I don’t care what kind or grade of facility they are in, if you spend enough time in one you will see the shortfalls due to staffing issues or shortages and I bet there are cases of negligence or neglect in almost every facility. This particular memory care facility was not low end. Mistakes are still made in patient care and he was physically assaulted multiple times in his own room or bed when essentially bedridden by a specific female patient/resident staying there. Not sure if it is standard policy or not but in this memory care center there are no locks on resident doors. Memory care center was like entering the twilight zone. Everyone at different stages of completely losing their marbles. Really sad.


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

  17. #17
    Join Date
    Mar 2003
    Location
    Gobbler's Knob, GA/ Bamberg,SC
    Posts
    21,441

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Glenn View Post
    Good info Paul.

    Mom is here at the house with us and doing well. Dad is in assisted living in Auburn but it’s and independent type. He comes and goes as he pleases. They provide two meals a day, he has a panic button/fall alert deal, they come in and clean once a week and he can have his dogs.

    It’s not perfect but he just couldn’t live alone anymore. He doesn’t love it but is content there. Says he “hates being around all those old people.” And this joker is 82. Lol.
    Sounds like you have things managed. It is tough for sure. Been there with my Dad. My Mom died six months to the day after my Dad passed. Nan's Dad is 93 and in the nicest place we could find. It's a great facility and he is content. He enjoys the community aspect. Son of a gun entertains all the "old folks" at the Tues/TH/ Sat Happy hour even though he doesn't partake. He is the second oldest resident there. He says he will be the Mayor in 3 month and running the place in six. He's an awesome man.

    Cromer- sorry for your loss. It is indeed a part of life, but it still sucks to watch our loved ones age and perish.
    F**K Cancer

    Just Damn.

  18. #18
    Join Date
    Sep 2004
    Location
    Petville Township SC
    Posts
    5,158

    Default

    If anyone's parents were in the military, there's several VA nursing homes in the state. They aren't run by the VA but by a private company. The VA will pay part and often all the cost. I'm not an expert on it but if I can help anyone, just let me know.
    Molon Labe
    HRCH Coal's Sparkleberry Cache MH

  19. #19
    Join Date
    Feb 2018
    Location
    Border of both Carolinas
    Posts
    4,366

    Default

    Had to have mom sent to boot camp for memory care just before Christmas. She was having major episodes of delusion and hostility. That facility got her on her meds, showering daily, becoming socially active. A true Christmas miracle that shocked me. She's been home for weeks now and is still cooperative, etc. Most of 2022 was a nightmare.

  20. #20
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Location
    Upstate, SC
    Posts
    1,077

    Default

    I hate to hear these stories but it is good to let others know they don’t have to do this alone. This play is all too common. We are there with both of my parents. Dad is 80 with mild dementia and Mom is 78 with a full Alzheimers diagnosis. We found them a great assisted living facility near us and they stayed for less than two weeks. They both agreed to try it for 3 months. Dad was having none of that after getting them moved in. They are both back in their home now and my sister is about to take a leave of absence from her job. She is a nurse but it is not good for anyone. Mom was very combative before we could get her medications correct and still is somewhat delusional.

    For anyone who is dealing with this and their parent is a Veteran and served during wartime, there is a program called Aid In Attendance. It covers some of the cost of assisted living and even the spouse can be eligible. There are limits on assets when considering eligibility.

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •