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Thread: Dad Jokes

  1. #161
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    What do you call cows that tell jokes?

    Laughing stock.

    What do you call a cow that doesnt produce milk?

    A milk dud.

    What do cows eat for breakfast?

    Hay.

    What do you call a cow with no legs?

    Ground beef.

    What do you call a cow with three legs?

    Lean beef.

    What do you call a cow with two legs?

    Yo momma.
    Last edited by BigBrother; 08-01-2022 at 10:13 AM.
    "Rivers and the inhabitants of the watery elements are for wise men to contemplate and for fools to pass by without consideration" -Izaak Walton

  2. #162
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    What do you call BB’s cow jokes?

    Udderly ridiculous

  3. #163
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    A lady caught her husband cheating on her and vowed to castrate him. The next night as he slept, she grabbed a knife, yanked back the blanket, and slashed, but in her haste, she missed his manhood and gashed his thigh.Immediately regretting what she did, she called an ambulance and was arrested. When the time for her trial came, she was sentenced to one month in jail, suspended. Her husband was furious at the small sentence. As they walked out of court, she asked her lawyer why the judge was so lenient, and the lawyer explained that the prosecutor was trying get her on a felony, but the judge dropped it to a missed de weiner.
    "Mother Nature and Father Time- still undefeated."

  4. #164
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    I always preferred the English spelling of diarrhea which is “diarrhoea” because it really looks like you’ve lost control of your vowels.

  5. #165
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    If you have never tried archery blindfolded, you should. You don't know what you're missing.
    At least I'm housebroken.

  6. #166
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    I was thinking. Ol Bruce changed his name to Caitlyn right? But he should have gone with the name Trans. Then he could have been Trans Jenner. What a missed opportunity.

  7. #167
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    I made deer spaghetti last night.

    Wife had some whole grain spaghetti noodles that taste like dirt. When I served supper, I told my daughter that they werent real noodles...........[long pause] they were impastas.

    Took a moment for it to register. I'd been waiting to execute this one for weeks.
    "Rivers and the inhabitants of the watery elements are for wise men to contemplate and for fools to pass by without consideration" -Izaak Walton

  8. #168
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    Dad jokes' help kids develop into healthy adults: study shows

    https://www.foxnews.com/health/dad-j...y-adults-study

  9. #169
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    My doctor told me my DNA was reversed, I said “AND????”……..

  10. #170
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cwaysvt View Post
    I was thinking. Ol Bruce changed his name to Caitlyn right? But he should have gone with the name Trans. Then he could have been Trans Jenner. What a missed opportunity.
    Why doesn’t Caitlyn show up in any family photos?

    She’s transparent.

  11. #171
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    Remember when they used to put Bruce Jenner on the front of life cereal boxes?
    That’s when you could stand to look at him and eat at the same time.


    -Some comedian I can’t remember.

  12. #172
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    Probably a skinny one if that’s the best they can do.

  13. #173
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    Did you hear about that actress that someone attacked with a knife over the weekend?

    No what was her name...?

    ...................................long pause while you think hard to remember her name........................... Reese something.

    They'll respond "Witherspoon?!"

    You'll respond with:

    "no with a knife....not a spoon...."
    "Rivers and the inhabitants of the watery elements are for wise men to contemplate and for fools to pass by without consideration" -Izaak Walton

  14. #174
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    ^^^ Your overall dad factor score continues to climb with each and every joke......

    I know your girls love you, but they're probably embarrassed to death sometimes.

    Keep up the good work.

  15. #175
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    In the school drop off line, I try to have some old school rap, or some off beat and wacky to crank up on the stereo as soon as her door opens. As we pull into the loop, she's checking out the song on the radio hard trying to gauge if she's going to be able to hop out in time without everyone hearing her.

    She looks so pathetically helpless as she gets out of the truck, but smiling big, while trying to be angry at the same time. Teachers at the door thinks that it is hilarious.

    I work hard at embarrassing her.
    "Rivers and the inhabitants of the watery elements are for wise men to contemplate and for fools to pass by without consideration" -Izaak Walton

  16. #176
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    dont lie. you dont have to work that hard at this.....
    Ugh. Stupid people piss me off.

  17. #177
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    What do you call a man with one rubber toe?


    Roberto
    "To the sensitive gunner nothing can equal a bird and a dog and a gun in trilogy."
    George Bird Evans

  18. #178
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    .

    Sent from my motorola edge plus 5G UW (2022) using Tapatalk

  19. #179
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    How does the moon cut his hair?

    Eclipse it.

  20. #180
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    Never fight with a dinosaur.

    You’ll get jurassiced.

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