Southern Football vs. Northern Football

[jhblitch1332]

Southern Football vs. Northern Football


Women's Accessories:
NORTH: ChapStick in back pocket and a $20 bill in the front pocket.
SOUTH: Brand new sun dress with sorority pins proudly displayed. Louis
Vuitton duffel with two lipsticks, mascara, and
a fifth of bourbon. Money not necessary -- that's what dates are for.
Stadium Size:
NORTH: College football stadiums hold 20,000 people.
SOUTH: High school football stadiums hold 20,000 people.
Fathers:
NORTH: Expect their daughters to understand Sylvia Plath.
SOUTH: Expect their daughters to understand pass interference.
Campus Decor:
NORTH: Statues of founding fathers.
SOUTH: Statues of Heisman trophy winners.
Homecoming Queen:
NORTH: Also a physics major.
SOUTH: Also Miss America.
Heroes:
NORTH: Rudy Giuliani
SOUTH: Paul "Bear" Bryant
Getting Football Tickets:
NORTH: 1 hour before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus
and purchase tickets.
SOUTH: 5 months before the game you walk into the ticket office on
campus and put your name on waiting list for tickets.
Friday Classes After a Thursday Night Game:
NORTH: Students and teachers not sure they're going to the game, because
they have classes on Friday.
SOUTH: Teachers cancel Friday classes because they don't want to see the
few hung over students that might actually make it to class.
Parking:
NORTH: An hour before game time, the University opens the campus for
game parking.
SOUTH: RVs sporting their school flags begin arriving on Wednesday for
the weekend festivities. The really faithful arrive on Tuesday.
Game Day:
NORTH: A few students hang out in the dorm and watch ESPN on TV.
SOUTH: Every student wakes up, has a beer for breakfast, and rushes over
to where ESPN is broadcasting "Game Day Live" to get on camera and wave
to the idiots up North who wonder why "Game Day Live" is never broadcast
from their campus.
Tailgating:
NORTH: Raw meat on a grill, beer with lime in it, listening to local
radio station with truck tailgate down.
SOUTH: Fully stocked bar, complete with bartender that has traveled with
the family for generations, just in case a few thousand of your closest
friends stop by before the game. 30-foot custom pig-shaped smoker fires
up at dawn. Cooking accompanied by live performance by your favorite
local band, who come over during breaks and ask for a hit off your
bottle of bourbon.
Getting to the Stadium:
NORTH: You ask "Where's the stadium?" When you find it, you walk right
in.
SOUTH: When you're near it, you'll hear it. On game day it becomes the
state's third largest city.
Concessions:
NORTH: Drinks served in a paper cup, filled to the top with soda.
SOUTH: Drinks served in a plastic cup, with the home team's logos &
mascot on
it, filled half way with extra ice and a little soda, to ensure plenty
of room for bourbon.
When National Anthem is Played:
NORTH: Stands are less than half full, and less than half of them stand
up.
SOUTH: 100,000 fans, all standing, sing along in perfect four-part
harmony.
The Smell in the Air After the First Score:
NORTH: Nothing changes.
SOUTH: Fireworks, with a touch of bourbon.
Commentary (Male):
NORTH: "Nice play."
SOUTH: "@#$%^^$, you slow &@#$%! &@#$ tackle him and break his $%$#@$#
legs!"
Commentary (Female):
NORTH: "My, this certainly is a violent sport."
SOUTH: "@#$%^^$, you slow &@#$%! &@#$ tackle him and break his $%$#@$#
legs!"
Announcers:
NORTH: Neutral and paid.
SOUTH: Announcer harmonizes with the crowd in the fight song, with a
tear in his eye because he is so proud of Alma Mater.
After the Game:
NORTH: The stadium is empty way before the game ends.
SOUTH: Another rack of ribs goes on the smoker. The band starts it's
post game set and planning begins for next week's game.

[Wampuskat]

Yankees are pussies...this is true in football and everything else...